Why I do what I do...

From time to time I'll get asked why I train or where my passion comes from. I guess it has a lot to do with my story. I've never really shared my complete story and I've got plenty of time today, so here it goes:

I grew up in a Christ-centered home. My daddy grew up in the church with God-fearing parents. My mom grew up in a non-Christian home and did not get saved until she was older. Now her entire family are Christ-followers. I grew up going to church and said a prayer asking Jesus into my heart on October 17, 1995. I was five years old. I did not necessarily understand the full concept of what it meant to be saved, but I knew that Jesus died for me and He wanted to live in my heart. (It took me a while to figure out how exactly He got in there... ) :D

I have always gone to church with my Nana and Papa, Memom and my daddy's sister's family. I'm blessed to have grown up in a wonderful, Christian home with family who always support me. My parents firmly believed in sending their children to private Christian school. The first time I went to a public educated institution was when I stepped foot on the college campus. I am grateful for the foundation I received in my years of elementary, middle and high school. 

One of the first defining moments in my life was when my Papa was diagnosed with cancer in 2000. I was only 9 years old. Something in me snapped. I have never been so angry at God. I didn't understand how God let something so terrible happen to someone who loved Him so much. What bothered me more is that my Papa was not angry. He was dying... and he wasn't afraid. I was terrified. 

On October 16, 2003, after wrestling back and forth with God for a little over 3 years... He showed up powerfully. He showed me, through my Papa's battle with cancer, that He did love me, my family and most importantly that my Papa was not fighting alone or for a lost cause. 

Papa went home to forever be with His best friend on June 17, 2004. Since then I have heard countless stories of how his life had impacted others. God knew what He was doing. He used Papa to further His kingdom. Now as his granddaughter I have the honor of carrying on that legacy. 

Many people that I know have heard that story. I've spoken in front of a bunch of people and shared it, but the story continues. 

High school was one of the worst yet best experiences I've had in my life. I was a secure girl, mostly because I was loved and reassured by my earthly father. But school was terrible. My freshman and sophomore years weren't so bad. I transitioned into high school fairly well, I was a varsity athlete, was involved with Christian clubs, had a great relationship with my teammates and had a great guy (even though we never officially dated) who supported me. 

My Junior year is when things started changing. I think that's a defining year in high school, you either go down one path or the other. I never really cared about being popular, I tried to be friends with everyone whether they wanted to be around me or not. It was extremely rare that I got picked on to my face, but I knew it went on. I wasn't skinny, didn't have the best complexion and I loved Jesus... a lot. There are two situations that happened my senior year that haunt me to this day:

1. I sat in the back corner of my English class. My assigned seat was in the middle of a bunch of male athletes. I walked in late for class that day because I was helping a teacher out. When I walked in and sat down it got really quiet and the guy I sat next to said "here comes Sarah Melton, weighing in at 185 pounds." I good and well knew that I didn't weigh that much, but he said that in front of me and 20 of my classmates. "Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me..." yeah, that's a bunch of bull. I've forgiven him...I forgave him a long time ago, but thinking about that moment hurts me. That's one of the reasons that if I'm ever late to a class, I hesitate and sometimes don't even go.

2. One of my teammates found out during my junior year that she had a cyst on her brain. She came into the lunch room in tears worried about the situation. I get up out of my seat, grab some of my teammates and we surround her in the corner and start praying for her. After we were done, I went back to my table to clean up and one of my classmates says loudly to her friends, "look at the Virgin Mary, praying for all to see." People say going to a Christian school is easy... think again.

I felt very alone during those years. I was in a dormant spiritual season. I didn't feel God and felt abandoned by Him, but I had nothing else to turn to. I remember begging Him to take all of it away and make it easy. I knew He was there and I knew my midnight hour was coming. Jesus was moving and He was not going to leave me.

I began training right after graduation. When I first began, it became very obsessive. I would constantly think about workout routines and nutrition. I was only doing it out of insecurity. I feared that if I didn't look the way a college girl is expected to look, then the teasing would follow me into college. It went on like this until about September of my freshman year at ECU.

During my first semester, I quickly learned what it meant to be accepted for who you are by true friends. I met many girls in my campus ministry who never once remarked about my imperfections. They always encouraged me and they wanted to be around me. I almost didn't know how to react. A girl named Alex noticed my obsessive training habits and confronted me about them. She told me that she was worried about me being obsessive and that I didn't need to measure up to anything because Jesus loved me no matter what. After hanging out with these girls I began to see myself through God's eyes. As soon as I started seeing myself that way, my training took off. I dropped 30 pounds and became stronger than I had ever been. I finally had found the right mindset and my relationship with Jesus grew deeper.

My passion now is to help other people find their identity in Christ, with fitness as a tool. 

"Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body." -1 Corinthians 6:19-20

I was bought with a price. I am valued. I know who I am and I know Whose I am. I belong to the King of Kings and the Creator of the universe. Honoring God with my body is an act of worship. Some people feel tortured in the gym (and sometimes I do too), but amidst all that torture, He is with me. I know that sounds funny, but that's just me. 

That's why I do what I do and have the passions that I have. :)

Bench Press, Genius Mommies, Groceries, Simple Recipes and Anti-Tanning

SO...
Second blog in a row with an interesting title. I'm on a roll! I guess I'll tackle this post by the order of the quite lengthy title.

Bench Press
Today was a big day in the world of fitness, well for me that is. I had a post-max test at the gym. I know what you're thinking, in order for there to be a post-max test then there must have been a pre-max test. Guess what, there was a pre-max test but I don't think that I talked about it on here. So I'm going to tell you about it now. :) Earlier in the semester (around mid-January) Drill Sergeant Billy came to class with that little smirk on his face telling us about our pre-max test. Basically each student got to choose one thing to do a max on, but it isn't your typical max. It was the heaviest amount of weight I could do with repetition. So what do I do? Bench Press, why you ask? I have no stinkin' clue... by far one of the dumbest things I've ever done. I go for the bar (45 lbs) but after I hit rep 30, he made me add weight. So I threw two 5's and two 2 1/2's on the bar to make it a grand total of 60 lbs. (shut up, boys! I don't care what you say, 60 pounds makes me tough). I was extremely nervous, but I start the exercise and end up reppin' it 10 times. WOO!! Yes, I did do a happy dance in the middle of the gym.
Today was the glorious post-max test. The rules of this test are: you don't improve your reps, you fail. Pretty simple, huh? Well, I was nervous because last week I tried practicing for it and could only lift it 3 times. That definitely presented a problem. Today I ate my oatmeal and prayed... hard. (Not that I don't pray hard on a regular basis...wow, I'm getting side tracked easy today). I put the weights on the bar and was trying not to think about my class surrounding the bench, along with the big weight lifting dudes who were on the next bench over, or Drill Sergeant Billy who was staring me down making sure I did everything right. The first 6 reps were a breeze, then I hit 7 and feel like my arms are going to fall off. I knew I had to at least get 11 but I pushed and ended up getting 12! WOO!! I passed my test. I was so happy that I forgot to do a happy dance! I'll have to put that on my list of things to do tomorrow!

Genius Mommies and Simple Recipes
My mommy is pretty much the smartest lady I know. When I cook, I get real fancy. But unfortunately, there's no time for fancy in college. I can cook about 2 recipes that are simple, healthy and take hardly anytime. Those are the same 2 recipes I have been eating non-stop since last August. Needless to say, I'm getting really tired of eating the same things. So who do I call in this time of simple recipe distress?! My mommy!! She saved the day (she does that quite often, it's her thing)! She gave me a small grocery list of things to buy and a lot of different recipes that I could make with those few things. I will have to post some recipes on here at some other date. I just thought I would take this paragraph to honor my wonderful mother who is a recipe genius! :)

Groceries
I went on a grocery store adventure today. I usually shop at Harris Teeter, surprisingly it's a lot cheaper than Food Lion here. Today I decided to go to The Fresh Market. It is a really cool place to go to! Especially if you are a big healthy food buff. I really did not find their prices unreasonable at all. It's comparable with Harris Teeter and their products are fresh with no preservatives. Basically that means it'll do your body good! :)

Anti-Tanning
Everyone here is on a "tanning spree" because summer is just around the corner. I think this year I have decided not to use any kind of tanning/bronzing products. I have extremely fair skin and last year was the first year that it really began to bother me. I felt like I needed to be tan, so instead of going to the tanning bed (which is pretty much death, if you do it... I dare you to stop. Oh and I can't do it cause I'm at risk for melanoma), I got spray tans. They actually work fairly well but who knows what kind of toxins are in that junk.
Tonight I sat down and thought long and hard about why I wanted a tan. I know that sounds really dumb, but sometimes it's the simplest things that complicate our way of thinking. The reason I wanted to do it was because that is what everyone else is doing. I think society has a huge message that everyone needs to be tan to be pretty. I don't think being tan makes anyone pretty. It makes everyone the same. There are plenty of fair skinned, beautiful women out there. Look at Nicole Kidman and Anne Hathaway. They are two of the most popular actresses in Hollywood, they're fair skinned and absolutely gorgeous! I believe beauty has a lot to do with how you carry yourself. So this summer, I'm going to carry myself in my bikini with fair skin. Booyah! Jesus made me fair skinned for a reason, so I will rock it because that what He wants me to do. Plus, some dudes like fair skinned ladies. :D

I squat, you squat, we all squat...

Interesting title makes for a good blog. Actually, the interesting title is only in hope that this blog will be good. So many things have happened since I last updated spiritually, physically, emotionally and mentally. Heck, it was like extreme makeover!

I feel like God is bringing me back to being content in my singleness and all that He has for me right now during this season. I am by no means ready to entrust my heart to a man right now. I was able to go back to my hometown this weekend and spend some time with my family. One of the greatest parts of the entire weekend was getting to spend some one on one time with my daddy. Sadly, I don't get to do that very much anymore. With me getting older, I realize that those times are going to become extremely rare... even more rare than now. I want to cherish these sweet memories with my daddy. He is the greatest man I know. Over the last two years or so, my heart and head have been clouded with so much that I never really took the time to listen to my daddy's heart. Yes, I heard him and all that he was saying, but I never truly listened. The biggest thing that I was reminded from him on Sunday morning (he stayed at home with me because I was exhausted and needed rest) is his heart for his little girl. I don't care how old I am, I will always be my daddy's little girl... his first little girl. I've always known my daddy has loved me, he shows me that in so many ways. He is one of the main reasons why I am so secure, content and confident. Hearing him talk to me about the way I deserve to be treated brings tears to my eyes just thinking about it. I will never get tired of spending daddy/daughter time with him!
When I think about the love that my father has for me, I can't understand how much he truly does love me. I won't understand until I am in a hospital bed some day, holding my own child for the first time. I've heard it's indescribable. Then I think about how much my heavenly Father loves me. He loves me even more than my own earthly father loves me. That's something that I will never be able to understand. I am so loved!

This song by Chris Tomlin has meant so much to me this week. I have no idea why, but I love it! It's on his new CD "And if our God is for us." You need to go buy it right now! :D

This last week I learned a new definition of the term "sore." I thought I knew what sore was, then good ol' drill sergeant Billy decided to re-define it for me. How thoughtful. I get to class on Monday thinking, "it's Monday... he was tough on us last Monday, surely he'll give us a break..." Whew buddy was I wrong! He introduced me to an evil practice called "ladder sets." Word of advice to all you folks out there, as soon as you hear the term "ladder sets"... RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!!!

Aren't you dying to know what a ladder set is? I'm so glad, because I'm gonna tell you! :)

The point of a ladder set is to work out a specific muscle group until you reach muscle failure.
What is muscle failure? Basically it's a term that means there is no possible way for your muscles to do anymore. They are shot, finished, done.
You grab a partner or two who are around the same strength level as you. Then you pick an exercise, decide on a weight that is heavy enough for all of you because you do not change the weight throughout the reps. My group consisted of myself and two other girls. We decided that we wanted to do squats (squats are by far my favorite, but a max out squat is probably one of the most torturous workouts to do). We used the smith machine to spot us just incase our legs gave out and we fell. (It happens). We put 25's on each side and went to work (without a spot, it would be a 95 lb. squat, but with assistance I would say it was around 50-60). Each person starts out doing one repetition (rotating people after each rep), then 2, 3, 4 and so on. You keep going until someone's legs finally give out and you can't do anymore. (Which was me, I was done after 13 rounds...which in total equalled 91 squats... ouch!)
After that was done, we had to do an opposing muscle group. Since squats work mostly quads (and some hamstrings) we did deadlifts as our opposing muscle workout. Deadlifts mostly stress hamstrings, but it's also very good for your lower back. Everyone in the group successfully did 8 rounds of 50 lb. deadlifts!! Girl power!!
Then I woke up the next day... there are no words to describe that pain that I was in. I have never been so sore, nor do I ever think I will be that sore again. I'm competitive, especially with something I'm passionate about, so I was not going to be behind in the lifts. I certainly paid for it the next day. Then Wednesday rolls around and I can still barely walk I'm in so much pain. I arrive at my class again... and there's drill sergeant Billy, with that awful smirk on his face. He separates us into two teams and decides we were going to have a relay and strength competition and guess what kind of strength competition we had... SQUATS. I wanted to cry. The girls had to squat 100 lbs. as many times as they could. I successfully did it 5 times. I was definitely a little disappointed because I could've done more if I wouldn't have been so sore, but I still got more than any other girl in the class! WAHOO!! So yes, that was my extreme week at the gym. I challenge you to push yourself to the max one day in the near future. Go out to GNC and buy some glutamine powder and take it at night before you go to sleep after a hard workout. I recommend mixing it up with orange juice.. yum! (Not really, griny O.J. really isn't that great, but your muscles will thank you the next day). Glutamine really does help with muscle soreness, sadly I did not think to buy any after my two crazy days at the gym. (Thanks, daddy for the reminder) Hopefully this weekend my legs will feel normal, function properly and I will be able to go on a run!

To top off a crazy week, tomorrow I will be participating in the Relay for Life. It's a cancer awareness rally that goes on once a year. I am teaming up with my fellow Exercise and Sport Science Club members to be a part of the rally. The event goes all night long. During the 12 hour event, 2 members from our team will be walking around the football stadium at all times, raising support for cancer patients and survivors. I'm not sure who we are representing, but tomorrow night I am walking for my Papa. He's my hero and he deserves to be remembered at this event. He may not be what everyone considers a "cancer survivor," but he was to me. He fought till the very end and he did win. He got to go hang out with Jesus... sounds like quite a win to me!!

I miss you Papa, this is for you.

It's raining, it's pouring, my annoying dog is snoring...

My brain and body have pretty much taken all that they can take today, so I can finally update my blog!!

This past weekend was Campus Harvest. It's a huge conference for college students that is held once a year in Durham. There is awesome praise and worship and many speakers to listen too. Two speakers that I look forward to every single year are Lynette Lewis and Jim Laffoon. Lynette is a power house! Not to mention that she always has the cutest shoes!! I seriously would love to have her drive one day and impact the fitness/athletics field of work. It would be awesome! One thing she talked about was the value of friendship. It's important to surround yourself with friends who will lift you up and challenge you! I value the very few and true friends I have that build me up as a person and as a woman walking with Jesus. There are very few people who really know the real Sarah. I think that's important. I believe you shouldn't show many people the true depths of your heart, which can make it extremely hard to open up and it's a challenge that I am trying to overcome! :)
Jim Laffoon spoke on relationships and intimacy. There were a few points he made that really got me thinking. The first one was the misconception that "only God is enough." Yeah, when I read that I was thinking exactly what you're probably thinking. "What in the world, yes He is!" Technically, yes, it is true... but if it were all around true, we wouldn't be desiring relationship with other human beings- especially significant others. I don't know about you, but I greatly desire a relationship with a significant other, but I believe God wants it that way. If He didn't want that, then He wouldn't of created man and woman! The second point was the misconception that only people are enough. I believe this is the end of the spectrum that most people are stuck on- having the mind set that having a good friend or romantic relationship will give them the fulfillment they're looking for. Not true.
There has to be a healthy balance between God and relationships with other people. He wants us to have relationships, but He wants our heart also. He is the only one that can truly fulfill all of the fulfillment that I am looking and desiring for.
The last point that he made is the one that really got me thinking. He was talking about how he and his wife had been married almost 34 years. He gave us the secret to their success: remembering that they are not God. I thought to myself, "well of course, I know that a man is not God." Yes, I know that, but do I truly believe it? Well, I can tell you now that I've prayed and dwelled on it the last few days, yes. I do believe that a boyfriend is not my God, but I was surprised at how I had to change my mindset to actually believe that.
  Do not look for fulfillment in any kind of relationship- whether it be friendship or exclusive. One quote that stuck out to me from Pastor Jim was, "don't make each other gods- you'll wind up disappointed and they'll wind up bitter."

In other news, I got a car!! Not only that, but my parents drove three hours to deliver it to me! How awesome is that?! I have named my car Mo (short for Mo-lissa, yes... Mo-lissa) and she is a wonderful car!  I am very blessed to have the king of negotiating as my father! My daddy is just awesome... I can never say that enough. I do not deserve to have such a wonderful daddy!

So what else do I do on a rainy day when I am tired of reading... I take the love language quiz. Or at least today I did. I defied the odds too! It is extremely rare that someone has a tie for their top love language and BAM I did it! Words of affirmation and quality time. Good stuff. So, if you love me... say something nice and take me out to lunch. HA. just kidding, but not really... :D

The adventure continues!

There are so many things that have happened over the last week... it's crazy! Some bad but mostly all good!  :) This post is about to turn into a bullet point post...

• The car search continues! It's been quite exciting for the most part. It's been difficult not having a car, simply because I have always had one. I have become quite the master at "bus hopping." Meaning, I must take multiple busses a day to get to my destination. It's like a race, but no one else knows that it's a race. Needless to say, I win every time :) 
• Highlight of my car search so far: I went to test drive a car with my friend Theresa. We went looking for a car salesman and his name was Duane. He showed me the cars available and asked me why I was looking for one. I proceeded to tell him that I totaled my car and all that jazz. He laughed. Why do you laugh about that? I don't know. Anyway, we get in the car and start driving down the road. He asked me if I'd like to take the car out on the interstate to see if I felt safe, I agreed that it was probably a good idea. So, we head out to the interstate and he says, "yes ma'am, feel free to drive as fast as you'd like, change lanes and even run the car into a ditch to see if it comes out on the other side... just make sure we make it out to the other side." So, most of you are probably thinking, "What a jerk!" In all honesty, I couldn't stop laughing (which isn't necessarily good since I was going 75 down an interstate). Anyway, yeah... Duane the car salesman wins entertainer of the week in the car sales category. Good for you, Duane, good for you. 
• This week, amongst all of my pouting, complaining and feeling sorry for myself, I believe God is teaching me what is truly means to be thankful. I'm not spoiled rotten, but I must say that I had it good growing up. I always had everything that I needed and had many things that I wanted. I got a car before I turned sixteen and then got another one when I turned eighteen. I was grateful for all of those things, but now I have a new appreciation for "conveniences." It is really tough going from having a car since I've been able to drive to unexpectedly not having one at all. I am learning what it's like not to have a car, and I am surviving just fine. Am I looking forward to getting a car? You better believe it. I will be one happy camper, but I am realizing that I can survive without it. I don't "need" all of things that I thought I did. More importantly, I am more grateful for the things that I have than I've ever been. It's been good. 
• MY ROOMMATES GOT INTO NURSING SCHOOL!!! After all of the stress, freaking out and thinking they would not make the cut...they made it! I'm such a proud roomie. We celebrated, we celebrated good. Cookie skillet! Heck yes! :) 
• I saved the most exciting for last. I can't believe it.... I'm now officially in a relationship with the coolest person I know. How awesome is that?! He caught my eye in August of 2009.  I do not know what I have done to get someone so awesome to like me, but I am sure glad it worked! For all of you that know me real well, you know that I always picked on people who were all giggly around a guy they liked and said it was weird. I have a confession: I giggled about it last night. Yes, Sarah Melton giggled like a little school girl.

I can't seem to do anything simple...

Spring Break is over and I think it's safe to say that I ended it with quite a bang...

I was driving back to school in the inside lane of the highway, minding my own business, with a Dodge Durango in front of me and 3 humvee army vehicles to my right. The man driving the Durango (who by far won the most annoying person of the day award) decided to slow down ridiculously fast so that his kids could look at the military vehicles... leaving Graceful (that'd be me) to slam on breaks in order to slow down fast enough. (I was on cruise control going 72 in a 65... speeding but keeping with the flow of traffic). Well, ABS breaks kicked in and my car apparently did not feel like stopping. I tried to get between the durango and the humvees (I drive a small car). Well, that plan of attack was working until the humvee hit my back bumper and I lost control of the car. At this point all I remember is screaming "JESUS" over and over again at the top of my lungs. Thankfully, instead of hitting another car, I run into the ditch off the right side of the road. If I would've swerved any other way, I would've been as good as dead. I remember finally stopping after what felt like 5 minutes, I kept my hands on the steering wheel and just told God "Thank You." Then I did what any other girl would do...I called my Daddy! As I'm on the phone with my dad, the army people come and ask me if I was okay (which I was, praise God!) Then Mr. Dodge Durango decides he's going to pull over, get out of his car and tease me a bit. 2 words: Bad Idea. He basically told me that I shouldn't of had my music so loud and I shouldn't have been on my cell phone.
1. I wasn't on my phone
2. How do you know how loud my music was, were you in the car? I don't think so!
So, after I had had enough with redneck durango man, I forced myself to go lock myself in my car until the patrolman got there. I can't tell you how bad I wanted to hit mr. durango man. It was extremely frustrating. About 10 minutes later, the highway patrolman gets out there. Who proceeds to run after the patrolman to tell the story? You got it... durango man. He tells him that I was on my cell phone and was going 85-90 miles an hour. I WAS ON CRUISE CONTROL. I couldn't have been going 90... unless he was going 90 too. Anyway...
Of course I got charged at fault of the wreck. It was my fault. My Aunt Carrie came to my rescue! She picked me up and got a tow truck to take my car away to be fixed. Then my wonderful friend, Michael (also the coolest person I know), came and rescued me by picking up me, with all of my stuff, and took me back to Greenville! What a nice guy, right? :)
I am happy to say that I just got off of the phone with my insurance company and they are going to take care of everything and my charges are going to be dropped! WOO! *insert happy dance here*

One really neat thing that happened with the wreck is that I had two people praying for me because they felt that I was going to be in a wreck. They will never know how grateful I am for them praying for my safety. Yesterday (the day after the accident) I had my melt down. I had a wonderful friend there for me, though. I am so grateful for God protecting me that day. It was by far one of the scariest things I've ever experienced.

On a lighter note, spring break was wonderful! I enjoy spending time with my family! If only ECU and my hometown were closer.

Now it's time to get back into the swing of things. I haven't worked out in a week and today I go back to doing what EXSS does... work out class. This week will be a rude awakening after not exercising for a week, but I'm determined to get my act together before summer!

I'm running to Your arms...the goodness of Your love will always be enough

It's SPRING BREAK!
I love SPRING BREAK!
(insert happy dance here)

Anyway... here are the top 5 pros to spring break:
1. HOME HOME HOME!!
2. I don't have to workout every day
3. Good food!
4. Shopping!
5. My body gets rest!

Top 5 Cons to spring break:
1. I don't have to work out every day
2. Good food
3. What's a calorie? I don't think they exist on spring break...
4. No schedule
5. Shopping! (It makes my wallet hurt...)

I would have to say that the good definitely out weighs the bad! Today has definitely been one of the best days this week... I was reunited with my best friend! I haven't seen Kendall since Christmas break and our schedules are all over the place, so it's very rare that we get to talk through out the semester. It was nice catching up with her about the awesome things that are going on in each others lives! She is one who will squeal, jump up and down and act all excited over life. It's so much fun to be around her! I have been blessed with a wonderful, Godly friend! I definitely would not have gotten through high school without her!

I am having a complete writer's block and have no idea what to talk about. Which is odd... I always have something to talk about...

Yesterday I invested in an awesome piece of workout equipment. Garmin 405cx watch. It's pretty awesome, I must say! I cannot wait until it comes in the mail. It's a personal training watch. It has a GPS that can track your distance when running outside, it monitors heart rate and calculates how many calories you've burned. It also sends your workouts directly to your computer. Oh, and it tells time :D
So yeah, hopefully it'll help me be a bit more hardcore in the aerobic exercise field... I certainly paid enough for this watch, so I better start being hardcore!

I've started reading Crazy Love by Francis Chan

You should read it! I thought, "I'll read this book over spring break, no problem..." Ok, I was wrong. I'm still on chapter 1. I read books really fast, but this one I've had to slow down and actually think about it. Needless to say, I'm learning a lot and will share more about it once I get farther into the book... and you can choose to read about it or not! :)