Last night I was needing a relaxing evening. So I did what every girl does when she's feeling run down, I took a warm bath with bath salts. Talk about heaven on earth! As I was laying there, doing my best to relax, I felt the enemy attacking me with lies. I couldn't stop thinking about how I had been slacking on reading my Bible and truly focusing on growing closer to God. All I could think about was how I had been going through the motions, but not really making an effort to break the cycle. I felt extremely insecure, unworthy and was convinced that God was disappointed in me.
So what do I do when I feel this way? I seek affirmation from other people. I immediately texted my boyfriend and told him the plans I had to grow closer to God... he was extremely supportive and provided me with plenty of affirmation, but it still wasn't good enough. I put the phone down and thought of who else I would contact next for support. After a few minutes, a thought came to mind, which could have only come from God Himself. I thought, "Sarah, you do this every time. Stop seeking affirmation from other people when you should be seeking affirmation from God and God alone."
Then I saw a facebook status pop up on my cell phone. It was a quote shared on a friend from high school's status. After reading this quote, my entire perspective changed on what Jesus thinks of me.
"When it comes to sin, the only one who has a right to condemn others is Jesus...and He refused."
I immediately was able to block out the enemies lies. Yes, I have been stuck in the motions for quite some time. I had put my relationship with God on the back burner because things had gotten so crazy and stressful at work... but this one statement set me free. Jesus is not mad at me. He isn't even frustrated with me. He understands that my heart wants to know Him more and that I'm trying my best. Yes, He wants me to pursue Him and know Him more each day, but if I screw up by not doing that every day, He still loves me.
Talk about a load taken off of my shoulders. I don't need to prove to God that I'm good enough, because no matter what I do, I'll never be good enough. But thank goodness that He continues to pursue me every single day.
Maybe you're in the same place I am right now. You're stuck in the motions and can't quite figure out how to break the cycle. Maybe you haven't spent time with Jesus in so long that you couldn't go through the motions even if you knew how. Maybe your relationship with Christ is on point right now or maybe you've never known Him at all. It doesn't matter where we are or have been. What matters is that today we choose to call on the name of the Lord. All we have to do is say the name of Jesus. There is so much power in it!
Friends, please don't give up. Even if you feel like you're not worth much of anything right now. Jesus loves you. He's crazy about you. Even if you only have 5 minutes a day to spend with Him...make the best of it. Read your Bible, pray driving down the road. Jesus understands that we are busy and don't have 2 hours set aside each day to spend with Him.
Spending time with Jesus is just like exercise. You may not have 30 minutes a day to take a walk...but you may have 10 minutes breaks throughout your day to move around and get a little bit of exercise in. You can spend your time with Jesus like that too! It's not about quantity, it's about quality. Make the time you have available to spend with Jesus good. If you have concerns, tell Him about it. If you have something your happy about, thank Him for it. He wants you to communicate with Him.
Today I'm praying that God would change the way you think He thinks about you. I pray that as you struggle with thoughts of how you'll never be as spiritual as some famous pastor or author, that I struggle with the same thoughts too. We were never meant to compare ourselves to others, yet we do it a lot. God intends for you to be you. He wants to know your heart just as much as anyone else.
"Seek the Lord and His strength; seek His presence continually!" -Psalm 105:4
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