Scattered thoughts...

       I don't know why I love this song so much, but my church's worship band sang it yesterday and I am in love with it. I usually don't like really slow songs, but the words to this song are absolutely powerful.

        Today I got the opportunity to go back to my old high school and speak to the students enrolled in a Christian Leadership course. I estimated about 15 or so to be in the room. It seemed that there were mostly sophmores and juniors were in the class. I had felt God telling me to go to this class while I was on Christmas break back about a month ago. I was finally able to go and I had no idea what God wanted me to share. I usually never prepare anything to speak about when I am scheduled to just because God always shows up and tells me what to say. When I arrived (I got there a few minutes early and everyone was at lunch) I sat in the teacher's chair and just asked God what He wanted me to say. I felt in my Spirit, "just be honest, tell them your experience." The students arrived and I was surprised at how many I did not recognize. It's amazing how I went from knowing everyone when I was a senior, to come back two years later and know hardly anyone. I got up there and just started talking about my high school experience and how I was ready to finally step out from under that Christian covering and education that I had all of my life. Not that I was wanting to step away from God, but I wanted to finally step out on my own, just me and God. When I told them that, many of them seemed surprised. More surprised that I was standing up there saying that in front of a staff member. I know that they are having those exact same feelings that I had during my later high school years. I shared with them my college experience so far. I talked about how different things seemed to me at first. I told them it was the little things that got me the most. Things like not praying and taking prayer requests before class, not having a Bible in class, professors not wanting to learn your name (or anything else about you, for that matter). I told them that I was in a state of shock. I said that the thing that broke my heart the most was the lack of truth taught in the classroom. Many people on a college campus have no clue what the truth is. They go with what they feel is best and that, sadly, most of the time ends up what they make out as truth. I just really encouraged them to know and have a true and intimate relationship with God. I hope and pray that they saw and heard the passion that I hold for God. My prayer for those students, as they are making their way towards different college campuses, is that they would have true relationship with God. Talking to Him and spending time with Him every day. Knowing that they do not have to feel like their drowning in the world, because the Lord has already overcome the world. There is a chance that I get to go back on Wednesday if they have anymore questions. I am praying that the Spirit will fill me with wisdom to share with them. Above all else, I want them to feel my honesty and that I am not getting told by the staff what to say. I truly do believe in walking in full alignment with Christ and I want them to experience that.
       Another thing that I stressed to them is being obedient to God's plan. I shared with them the plans that I left my high school with and how every single one of those plans were ruined because that is not where God wanted my life going. I told them that because of my obedience to God's will, I am now walking in freedom and would not change one thing that He has decided for me.

      If you do not own this book, "Breaking Free: Day by Day," written by Beth Moore. I highly recommend it!! I was reading the devotion for today and I found it to be so good! I will share it with you:

"'My body faints for You in a land that is dry, desolate and without water.' -Psalm 63:1

'What do you usually do when you're hungry or thirsty? You seek what will meet your need. If you ignore your physical needs long enough, not only will you be miserable; you will be ill.

You can easily recognize the signals your body gives for food and nourishment, but great wisdom lies in learning how to discern the signals your spiritual nature gives. The most obvious symptom of a soul in need of God's satisfaction is a sense of inner emptiness- the awareness of a 'hollow place' somewhere deep inside- the inability to be satisfied. Let this longing drive you to your Savior.'"

      I am also reading another book by Elizabeth Elliot! It is called, "Quest for Love: True Stories of Passion and Purity." I am quite the sucker for a good love story, but what is even better about this book is it is about a bunch of different love stories, ordained by God. That makes me feel a whole lot better knowing that people have/had the same exact thoughts that run through my head everyday about true love. I no longer feel too incredible crazy and know that there is still hope for me! Anyway, I wanted to share a version of 1 Corinthians 13 that I had never heard before. I think this is my favorite way of it being worded! 

"This love which I speak is slow to lose patience- it looks for a way of being constructive. It is not possessive: it is neither anxious to impress nor does it cherish inflated ideas of its own importance. 

Love has good manners and does not pursue selfish advantage. It is not touchy. It does not keep account of evil or gloat over the wickedness of other people. On the contrary, it is glad with all good men when truth prevails.

Love knows no limits to its endurance, no end to its trust, no fading of its hope; it can outlast anything. It is, in fact, the one thing that still stands when all else has fallen."

-1 Corinthians 13:4-8 Phillips

I know that was a heck of a scattered post, but I have had a lot going through my mind lately! :)

1.1.11 New Beginnings!!

I've never been one to make new year's resolutions. I know this is about to sound extremely pessimistic, but I have always thought, "why make new year's resolutions when they're only going to be broken after two months?" This year is different for me, though. I can feel it. I know that God has a lot in store for me in 2011, not that He hasn't had anything in store for me in previous years. This year just feels different.
There are a few things that I would like to accomplish this year:
1. I want God to continue to teach me, stretch me, challenge me and use me. I want to know God on an even more intimate level than I know Him now. I need to strive not to live so much by a schedule, but to trust Him and all that He has for me. There are no surprises with God. Every bump in the road that I will face this year will be no surprise to God. He knows exactly what is going to happen. It is my choice of how I am going to react to it.

2. If my school route stays on track for graduation in December, I want to be in tip top shape when I am walking across the stage. This year brings many exercise classes, lifts and cardio. It is going to be tough, but I really think that I am going to enjoy it.

3. Strive to be more self-less. I want to reach out to those who need a friend or someone to listen too. I want to be someone that others know they can rely on. I want people to see me a loyal and as someone who will always be there for others.

4. Take better care of my body. I need to be more consistent. I need to stay on a regular routine and be committed to taking great care of my physical self. Exercise regularly, eating properly and taking care of my skin. For Christmas my mom bought me some great Merle Norman skin care products that I have fallen in love with! I've never had acne or anything like that, but I want my skin to be in good shape as I grow older and this stuff is amazing!

Those four things may seem little and a bit silly, but they are important to me. My prayer for this year is that the Lord will continue to mold me into the woman that I am meant to be. To be used for His purpose and to not get distracted by the little things that do not matter in the long run. I am looking forward to going back to school in a week to see what is in store for the semester!

Side note: I have no idea what happened to my pirates! The Military Bowl was absolutely terrible! Our defense has been weak all season, but I know that it is better than what they played like this past week. I hate that the season had to end like that, especially for the seniors. Thank you to all of the senior Pirate Football Players for giving us your all over the last few years. It has been a pleasure attending games and having a great time. There is nothing better than being a Pirate! Even after that ugly loss, my heart still bleeds Purple and Gold!
GO! GO E! GO E-C! GO E-C-U HEY!

I'm dreaming of a White Christmas, oh wait, I got one.

So I hate to sound like scrooge, but there are very few things that I dislike more than playing in snow. I like snow, it's pretty, from inside. Today I did brave it for about 45 minutes with some of my family, but with me being allergic to the cold and all (haha), I decided to call it a day and go inside. I did get some great pictures and will post them!

I have really been feeling the Holy Spirit moving in my life over this Christmas break, more so than I have in the last few weeks. I believe one of the things that He was trying to teach me today was the beauty of simplicity. I am a very simple person, but sometimes I take advantage of the extremely simple things. I am one of those people that likes to be on the run constantly. Sitting on the couch doing nothing is an extreme rarity in my life. All day today I sat on the couch with my daddy and brother and watched football all day long. There was not a minute that I wanted to get up and do something else. I just wanted to be there...with them. I was amazed at how blessed I felt sitting on my couch, not saying a word to anyone, but just being there with them, watching the game. I believe sometimes I get so caught up in the things that really do not matter in life and I miss the small important things that I will remember and cherish forever. Thank you, Lord, for blessing me with a family that I do not deserve!!
Christmas was wonderful! Now that everyone is getting older in my house hold, it was nice to sleep in a little on Christmas morning. I woke up about 7 and started to get a little concerned because my little sister, who is 8, had not barged into my room waking me up to open gifts. Finally she came in about 8. She was so excited, so my brother and I got up and went downstairs to meet our parents and memom. We opened gifts and just enjoyed the beautiful Christmas morning! I opened up a BEAUTIFUL ring that my parents bought me instead of a traditional class ring, which I will also post a picture of! This is the last holiday of things being "normal." Emily will be a Bullock next year and I am very excited about that! It was also our first Christmas with the newest grandchild, baby Stella. She is absolutely precious and we are blessed to have her as a beautiful addition to our family!!

I love my mommy :)

the more kids, the better! I am blessed with a big family!

Now that Christmas has passed there are some other important things to look forward too. I'm sure you're thinking, of course...New Years, but my friend, you are WRONG. Thursday, December 29 2010. 2:30 PM ESPN. ECU vs Maryland. That's right...we're going BOWLING. (No, not that kind of bowling). Military Bowl in Washington, DC!! I would love to be at the game, but am unable to attend this year, so I will be throwing a party and rooting for my boys at home. I would love to ECU return to Greenville with a win! They've fought hard and had a crazy season and I am looking forward to watching the big game on Thursday. :) GO PIRATES!!!!

This is right before we beat NC State earlier this season!

Me and my favorite Pirate! I'll be rooting for my brother in Christ, Daniel, on the field Thursday!!

New Years is the next big thing! I am looking forward to seeing what God has in store for me in 2011. It is an extremely big year for me. I'm very nervous but excited to see how much growth God has in store for me. I plan to graduate in December of 2011. Crazy to think that this time next year I could be a college graduate, then it's hopefully continuing my education then I have to be an official big girl in the real world time. Scary stuff! All I have ever known is being a student. Thankfully, I serve an awesome God who has EVERYTHING under control. He is already in my future and knows exactly what's going to happen!!

The Voice of Reason

By special request of my wonderful roommate, Brittany, (www.beautifullifeofbritt.blogspot.com) I am updating my blog! I really did mean to do this sooner, but with exams and all college hectic-ness, it just gets a bit difficult!
There are a few good things that have happened over the last week or so. First off, exams went great and my GPA is now up higher than it has ever been in college! I'm looking forward to the coming semester and am really crossing my fingers to graduate in December. I am overwhelmed at the blessings and favor that God has shown me through my college career. There are many days where I look back and cannot explain to you how half of the things that have happened to me over the last year or so have happened. All I can say is that God's hand has been through every single thing. He has walked with me, dragged me and carried me- thank You, Lord, for NEVER leaving me. I am not the same person today that I was at the beginning of the semester, just 4 short months ago. The Lord is constantly changing and teaching me. A lot of the time, it's not easy, but my goodness it is worth it!
The second awesome thing that has happened: I went lifting with my cousin two days ago and got calibrated again. Calibers are body fat measuring tools. My body fat percentage went down over two percent! I was jumping up and down with the nurse in her office (the gym I was visiting has a nurse on site at all times). She started jumping up and down with me and laughing. I think I may have been a tad bit excited, but was happy to see the nurse joining in with me on the jumping!

Lately I haven't necessarily "felt" God moving in my life, but I have been thinking more and more about something that He taught me this last year. He basically started moving on my heart and teaching me to not manipulate Him into what I wanted Him to do. A very difficult lesson to be learned. I think sometimes my over-planning and controlling nature ties His hands with what He truly wants to do in my life. I've probably blogged about this before, but it's been a big lesson I've learned and I think a lot of other people need to learn it as well. I love having a plan and sticking to it. God and I have gotten in many wrestling matches over this and He has won every time, either the easy way or the hard way. God will have His way no matter what. I look back and think about the plans I had coming right out of high school. My plan was:
-start my college career off the a 4.0 (that was with math and chemistry in the same semester)
-get into nursing school
-become a nurse practitioner
-find the love of my life in the first year of college
I would like you to know that NONE of those things happened. This is what happened:
-I got on academic probation my first semester in college due to math and chemistry in the same semester
-I ended up giving up on nursing school before I even got there
-I changed my major...twice.
-no love of my life yet, but I"ve stopped looking. He will come when the time is right, but I did find some awesome roommates!

The plans that I had originally were great plans. I always strive for the very best, but sometimes what I think my very best SHOULD be, is not what God's very best is FOR me. I look at how my "plans" actually turned out. Yes, a lot of not so good things happened. I had to spend 5 hours every single day in the library for an entire semester to get myself off academic probation, I changed my major twice and felt like giving up. God was with me through it all. Now He has brought me into a field that I am passionate about. My GPA is high enough to get into grad school and continue my education. He has blessed with my roommates who challenge me and support me. I could not have come up with any other better plan than the one God had for me all along. My prayer today is now that God would continue to change my heart to submit to His will and stop trying to follow my own. It is a daily battle between me and God. I constantly am having to die to myself so that He can live in and through me. Thank You, Lord, for being a God of grace. He understands my heart. He gave me my heart and the desire for greatness, but it can only be "greatness" if it is the greatness that God has picked out just for me!
I read a devotional called "Breaking Free: Day by Day," written by Beth Moore (in my opinion, the best of the best). She wrote:

"To the only God our Savior, through Jesus Christ our Lord, be glory, majesty, power and authority before all time, now and forever" -Jude 25


"My motivation for Bible study and prayer could be all about me, if I let it:
'Fix my circumstances, Lord.'
'Use my powerfully, Lord.'
'Direct me today'
'Make a way for me'
'Make me successful, Lord'
If my motivation for relating to God is what He can do for me, then a lust for His power may grow, but a yearning for His presence will not. God deeply desires to hear our petitions, but His greatest joy is to hear them flow from the mouths of those who want Him more than anything else He could give."

That short little devotional really spoke to me. "Lord, I just want to be in Your presence and know You better. Forgive me of constantly trying to manipulate You with my plans. Your will, not mine!"

In other happenings:
It's finally Christmas break! Exams were survived and no one in my apartment went crazy! Two of my wonderful roommates came and visited me for a few days! We did a lot of shopping and visited the Billy Graham Library. If you live in the Charlotte area, I recommend going! It's completely free! The house where Billy Graham grew up in is on site and it can be toured. Then there's a HUGE library where his entire book collections are. The tour is, I would say, close to two hours and it is about his life and ministry. I learned a lot of things that I did not know about him. I'll post a few pictures from the outing!

Farley and Me

Yes, Farley and Me. As I have mentioned before, my roommates have a cat named Stella. For those of you who don't know, I'm allergic to cats. I can't stand cats. I think they're horrible. I'd rather bite my own hand off than pet one. Thankfully, a cute little chocolate lab named Farley came to save the day. Lauren and Brittany visited a local animal shelter yesterday and met the cute little guy, so Lauren decided to adopt him. Meaning....THE CAT IS GONE!! PRAISE THE LORD THE CAT IS MOVING OUT!!!! I will gladly take the dog over the cat any day! I'll post a picture of the cute little guy.

This semester has absolutely flown by. I received news that I will be graduating next December and I couldn't be more excited! God is certainly teaching me a lot on this journey. Lately He has really been teaching me to be content. I think that it's been quite a while since I have felt "true contentment." I experienced it for the first time this weekend. This last week I had a birthday and turned 20. I don't feel any older, but I feel contentment. I'm extremely content with my life right now. I have an amazing school that I truly love, a supporting family and God-sent friends. I've never felt so blessed. God is teaching me that instead of reaching for the next best thing, to truly sit in His presence and be content with all that He has for me right now. :)

I am very happy to announce that my beautiful cousin and dear friend is getting MARRIED!! Her wonderful new fiance' Tim proposed to her at the Biltmore Estate on Monday. They are a precious couple and cannot wait to witness their beautiful marriage! I am honored to be in her wedding as a bridesmaid. It's getting weird growing up with everyone getting married. I remember when Emily and I were little (we were inseparable), we would always talk about our weddings and what our husbands would be like. Now those fantasies are becoming a reality. She found a wonderful prince charming! She deserves the very best and I am very happy to be able to watch them grow as a couple for the rest of their lives! Congratulations to Tim and Emily!

It's finals week here at ECU and I am looking forward to Christmas break to begin! I want so badly to be home with my family and enjoy their company for a few weeks! I'm looking forward to being at home with the greatest friends that God has given me. There's nothing better than celebrating my sweet Savior with a family who is falling more in love with Him every single day!

When I grow up...oh wait, I don't want too.

Today was just like any other normal day. I woke up, went to class, studied, saw friends and took a test, solved a medical case study and took a quiz. Then I walked into the student store to grab a scantron sheet to take my physiology test when I saw a man advertising class rings. He asked me how long I had been in school and I said only a year, but I'm considered a junior. He handed me a brochure advertising class rings. He said, "it's about that time, soon you'll be needing graduation announcements." My heart skipped a beat.
I remember when my middle and high school years and how I could not wait to grow up, go to college, get a master's degree, get married and have a family. Now, most of that is no longer a dream... it's reality. I'm only 20 but my goodness I did not know that time would start going by faster and faster the older I got. I remember my first day of high school, graduation, first day of college and now I'm over half way done with it. It's a little scary and overwhelming to think about. I've always been one to have a plan and go fifty million miles an hour without stopping until that plan is completed. Now I find myself wanting to pull back and a little bit and slow down. I think this is something that God has been trying to teach me for a LONG time. I now have a desire to enjoy everything that He has given me instead of planning for the next bigger and better thing, because everything that I experience now is just a step in where God has me going. In order to appreciate the things that I want to accomplish one day, I must remember all that is happening now, so I can remember all that happened to get me that stage.

Lord, give me the strength and the will to slow down and hear Your voice. Help me to enjoy the time that I have to myself now, the things that I am learning, the education that I'm receiving, going out with friends on weekends, being able to drop what I'm doing to go to a football game, because if I blink one more time, I'll have so many more responsibilities.

I'm starting to understand what my parents tell me over and over again, "slow down, don't be so hard on yourself, enjoy it." Thank you, Lord, for giving me such amazing parents who believe in me and are proud of me, but want me to enjoy the time that I have here.

It's exciting growing up, but terribly scary. Thank goodness that I serve a God that has gone before me, yet is even here with me now as I take it all in, step by step.

Spiritual Growth Pains...

I am convinced that spiritual growth pains are far more painful than physical growth pains sometimes. I think I'd rather be sore from running miles on end that go through spiritual growth. (ok, I really don't mean that, spiritual growth is good, it's just HARD). I'm sitting here truly feeling the Spirit move in me, but not knowing what He's moving for or towards. I find myself either on my face or driving down the road just begging God to show me what He's doing. Of course I get the answer that I do not want to hear, "it is simply not time for you to know yet, but just trust me." That comment always puts me at peace but also frustrates the mess our of me. Like I've said in previous posts, I am a girl that loves to have a plan. God is very good at changing plans. Especially the plans that I think are all awesome. Of course, He always winds up winning and everything turns out better than I could ever imagine. It's just the waiting period that hurts the most. I am truly thankful that I'm not feeling no growth.
Speaking of growth, my roommates (Lauren and Brittany) and I are beginning a Beth Moore Bible study about Esther. It's entitled "Esther, It's Tough Being a Woman," I am really looking forward of digging deeper into the Word and learning more about God and His incredible love for me. I'm also looking forward to growing closer to my roommates and really looking into what God is doing in their lives too!

Two weeks ago, I went to Knoxville, Tennessee, with my parents, brother and my good friend, Andrew, and we met up with his parents and sister. We went to visit and attend the University of Tennessee vs. University of Alabama game. It was a lot of fun! My family are pretty big Tennessee fans (besides me, I'm a Gator) and Andrew's family are HARD-CORE (and when I say hard-core, I mean it) Alabama fans. It was fun watching each family's reactions to the different plays of the game. We all had a great time. I posted a picture of my brother and I at the game. I love him so much!

The only game that I really care to talk about, though, is ECU vs. NC State. Let me tell you, that game was by far the greatest game I've ever been to (well, at least the ending was). NC State was expected to run all over us and we beat them by a touchdown in overtime! The reaction of the fans in the stadium was crazy! I had a ton of fun! We take on Navy for military appreciation day on Saturday and it should be a good time!

So here's the news that I have been waiting for a long time to say: I passed my fitness test for my major with flying colors! I don't think anyone could've wiped the smile off of my face on that day. I was so nervous about it and was surprised with how well I performed. I was able to go beyond the expected goals of the test. I am very excited to say that I am now a junior in college and am working harder each day to get closer to my dream. I meet with my new advisor to plan my route to graduation! I'm going to try to be graduated by May of 2012, which would be a year and a half ahead of schedule. We'll see how it goes!
As for what's next in my fitness route, I'm not really sure. I've been taking it a little bit easier lately because I had been putting my body under so much stress while training for this test. I plan to get back to hard core training next week. No goals, no deadlines, just back to the gym, which is where I like to be.

When I began this blog, I was a lot different physically, emotionally and spiritually. I started at a size 10 and about 147 pounds. I am now a size 4 and about 137 pounds. I have no desire to be any smaller and I may even try to tone up a bit to a 6 just because I don't know if I want to be a size 4. The most important fact is that I am healthy. As long as my body is healthy, than it is all ok! :) I am happy that I have met my fitness goals! It of course took me a little longer than I would've liked, but I surpassed my goals!